Copyright © 1997-1999
TINA
and
Copyright © 1997-1999
Antares Real-Estate
7/19/99
List of abbreviations, acronyms, expressions, hopes
For all ye English readers, I have added some humble lines of my new
dictionary on net income. Additions welcome, addictions as well.
Corrections impossible, all entries 100% proven correct on a Gates
machine (see "Gates").
A well, you have to start somewhere..., even if it is at the
wrong place
<AOL> Going into AOL user mode.
Example: <aol>Me too!!!</aol>
<bg> big grin
<g> "grin"
<g> grin
<s> smile
<VBG> Very Big Grin
<VBMG> Very big Mega Grin
.sig A short, standardized message tacked on to the
end of a news group article or email
1O Q Thank You
1O1 One On One
2 To, Too, Two
8086 old piece of silicon, no commercial value
80186 see 8086
80786 piece of silicon Intel could not build
(see "Intel")
A.D. anno domini; a dating system based on a mistaken
interpretation of some unusual pregnancy
ADA progamming language
ADA progamming language
ADA progamming language
ADA progamming language
ADA progamming language
ADA still a programming language
ADSL a daringly strange line, see plumber
A.S.R. alt.sex.reptiles (see LART)
AAMOF As A Matter Of Fact
ABAP As BOFH As Possible
ABP alt.books.pratchett - a strictly serious newsgroup
devoted to the rigorous analysis of the works of a
lesser-known humourist
accounting see "hacking"
ADN Any Day Now
ADSL actually data spoiling litter; a means of transporting
data on water tubes, may the water be used or not
ADSL Adds Data on Supply Line
ADSL Archives Data, Secret Leak
AFAIK as far as i know [see SFAIK, see SFAIAA]
AFAIK As Far As I Know.
AFK absent from keyboard
AFK Away From Keyboard
AFK/W/B Away from Keyboard/Window/Brain
AFP alt.fan.pratchett (news group)
altavista the higher you get, the deeper you fall
AMD added more design
AMS artificial memory systems
animated GIF an I-mated GIF; mates with other GIFs; a simple way to
slow down computers to mate with intelligence of user;
computers still seem to be faster, though; see "GIF"
AOL add only lunatics, then buy Netrape (see "Netrape")
APPLE a company which tried to buy Be (see "Be"), but
didn't swallow the price; they swallowed the CEO
(see "CEO"); some new Jobs are for free, see Jobs
AQL accepted questionable level; measured in percent of
unanswered complaints
ASAP as soon as possible
ASCII American Standard Code for Information Interchange;
technically, this refers to the encoding scheme
whereby the internally stored binary numbers used by
computers correspond to human-readable symbols like
"A", but in common usage on the net, ASCII
also refers to anything that's made of standard text
characters: "@>--,--`---" is an ASCII
rose, for example.
ASCII "All Systems can Interfere Ideally" (see
"internet"
ASIC all systems in ceramic; coke-proof edition for
overworked techs
ASK no!
ASQ Another Stupid Question
assembler a person screwing together a computer; modern
speech analysis on the living object calls for
writing it as "a person screwing up a computer"
assembler an instrument to automatically transscribe your
program code into something a computer can
understand; the difference between an assembler and
a compiler is the lower level of commands you are
allowed to use; interestingly enough is the fact
that "normal" programmers don't understand assembler
languages, but who is normal in EDP business,
anyway?; caution: compilers are the best place to
apply WAD technology; see "Gates"
ATM Asynchronous Transfer Mode
ATM At The Moment
ATM Automatic Teller Machine
ATSL Along The Same Line
autoresponder implementation of the latest Fuzzy technology (see
"fuzzy"), elementary part of all new equipment to
answer every request it gets with GC, see GC
AWGTHTGTTA Are We Going To Have To Go through This Again?
B.C. "before christ" [see B.C.E., A.D., C.E.]
B.C.E. a system for dating years prior to the first year
C.E./A.D. counting is retrograde, by the number of
years by which a given year preceded the start of
the C.E./A.D. calendar.
B4 Before
B4N Bye For Now
ba*d bastard
BAC By Any Chance
back the place behind of which things happen
backbone the cable which has the highest data rate; if you
have only telephone cables, it is called PABX and
sets you back dramatically, no good for your image!,
call LAN sales droid
backup storing all data from the HDDs (see "HDD") on a tape
or other cheap medium; mostly done on tape (see
"tape"); making a backup is the ultimate form of a
WOM (see "WOM")
BAK Back At Keyboard
banana products fuzzy technology used in development to reach
highest WAD excellence; done by permanently
redefining design goal; see "continuous improvement"
bandwidth the invisible one of the four fuels of admins; needed
to make mailbombs; see "mailbombs"
banner a square on the screen to ban useful information, very
informative, see "cookies", see "data mining"
bank see "accounting"
bank see "money"
bank palace place where the bankers (see "bankers") work (see
"droids") and where they stow their gold and
jewelry, currencies, and reports to their
stockholders; look out of the window!
bankers the only persons bosses are afraid of, except for
Mummy (see "Mummy")
BBFN 'bye-'bye for now [see BFN, GBFN, TTFN]
BBS Be Back Soon / Shortly
BBS Bulletin Board Systems
BC before clocktick, last known state of CPU
BC branch and crash, processor instruction
BCC before clocktick crash, see USP
BCC branch and crash console, operator instruction
BCC break console and curse, ("in case of emergency",
operator manual, part III)
BCNU Be Seeing You
BD Brain Dead
BDTIM Big Dummie That I Am
BDTM Big Dummie That's Me
Be a set of programs to make a computer work; will not
stay in business for long as it is too good to be
let true; see "bankers"
beer one of the four basic fuels of EDP personell;
filling quantum rising till friday; highest rate:
monday morning, but this is a strictly personal and
individual imagination
bench marks bench marks don't lie; liers make benchmarks
BFD Big Deal!
BFN 'bye for now [see BBFN, GBFN, TTFN]
BIF Basis In Fact
binaries see usenet; don't be caught!
BION Believe It Or Not
blue screen a technique to display scenes on a separate background;
widely used by WIN l0users (tautology), with a blue
foreground and no background
bo bastardly overthrown
BO back office; where to meet Al Capone's heirs
BO back orifice; see CDC
BO2K Windows NT (see "WAD") is now Back-Orifice-compatible
BOFH bastard operator from hell: sys(tem)admin(istrator)
- or, "the tech who knows how these *******
things work" (see LART)
BOFF best organized friendly feline
BOL Be On (the) Lookout
Bond a state-employed hacker; always equipped with some
new gadgets designed by a brilliant researcher;
see "M"
bonding silicon chips have no pluggable connectors but are
connected by using thin wires which are welded onto
special areas; the work of welding is called
bonding; see "Bond"
BRAIN least recently used module, see l0ser
BRB be right back
browser piece of software where to enter soft and where who
and where and why and when; see "cookies"
BSE Best System Executables, item no 102 of ActiveX
manual, special edition for bankers; see "bankers"
BTDT Been There, Done That
BTG better than Gates, i.e. all
BTO build to order, new version of "be prepared"
BTO Built To be Ordered, former version of BTO (see "BTO")
BTSOOM beats the shit out of me
BTW by the way
BUG brilliant and ultimate goal
bug small insect
BWG Big Wide Grin
BYKTA But You Know That Already
C see
C and if you still don't see it, then it is C++
C++ rat race (see "rat race") version of C
C64 we still don't know
CABAL a covert association of conspirators, frequently one
attempting to wrest control of an organisation; or,
actually having succeeded in taking control, that
chooses to keep its existence - and the extent of
its powers - hidden from all but its own members.
the acronym was formed from the initial letters of
the first group of plotters to be so identified, and
is therefore in origin an acroeponym.
cables those long things with plugs at the end; cables have
a certain knack in their psychology to lie on the
ground there, where someone is most certain to step
on them and thus pull the plug
camera the well-hidden module which is connected to the
company's LAN to show everybody the momentary state
of the coffee machine; see "secretary"
cat see mouse
CB coffee break
CB continuuous breakdown; state of EDP department;
somehow related to government, though
CCC Computer Cash Consultants (see "CCC")
CCC Computer Crash Consultants (see "CCC")
CCC chatty cheeks chorus
CCC collect cashiers' codes
CCCC the Government's new Civilian Computer Conservation
Corps
CCCI crunch credit card immediately; see "credit"
CCRS Chronic Can't Remember Shit
CDC constant danger condition
CDC could develop chronic
CD ROM drive a device into which you put your AC/DC CD; caution:
AC/DC code is incompatible (see "incompatible") with
your present CPU (see "CPU"), but only after the
first clock cycles
CDU common desaster undercurrent
cell the working part of a brain, mostly --> see GC
C.E. common era: indicates dating system used.
numerically identical to the A.D. system, this makes
no presumption about the faith(s) of the readers, or
the historical accuracy (or otherwise) of such
faiths. regarded by some as more polite, derided by
others as PC.
Centronics the most famous non-existing printer company
CEO chief executing officer; like a captain on a ship;
mutinies restricted to monday till friday; permanent
state of dilbertizing; see "Dilbert"
CEO see GF
CEO cash extra overpay!
CFV Call For Votes (used in forming a new newsgroup)
child a non-sexual transmitted desease between processes,
windows, doors, and clones
child a sexually transmitted disease with humans, see
"release of Steinberg 2.0"
CLD Calling Long Distance
clinton could lunch intern's neat tobacco over night
clinton could lead into new theories on news
clipper 1. a very nice piece of silicon Intel has an eye on
(call FTC, call Intergraph)
2. a very nasty piece of silicon comrade McCarthy's
heroes have an eye on to have an eye on you
clock module in a computer which every now and then wakes
up the CPU to refresh momory
clones someone builds a machine; a clone is a machine just
like the first one, built by someone else, but
better; see "Be"
CMIIW Correct Me If I'm Wrong
CNPU Central Non-processing Unit accepts data from FROM and
ensures that data is not distorted by processing --
nothing is done at all.
COB "chip on board" technology; used to package
semiconductor chips directly on printed circuit boards
COBOL native language to write browsers in; used widely by
bankers to browse in accounts
CODE crash on dumb executables
coffee one of the four main fuels of EDP personell
COG "chip on glass" technology; used to package
semiconductor chips
COM commercial operating mess
COM2 as above, but twice the data rate
Comdex commercials, oddities, mimicry, desperados, exitus
COMP Choking On My Popcorn
Compaq a company selling MIPS it never built
Compaq buttons don't touch!
Compaq buttons don't touch!
Compaq buttons don't touch!
Compaq buttons oh, now you did it! you know what!? you ordered a necklace
of 0.001 carat diamonds!
compiler an instrument to automatically transscribe your
program code into something a computer can
understand; caution: compilers are the best place to
apply WAD technology; see "Gates"
computer the strangely shaped thing under the table;
originally designed as a vacuum cleaner but then
renamed to O2 (see "O2")
concatenation process of merging data files with the help of the
brotherhood of cats (see "cat")
continuous improvement strategy to raise sales volume by selling updates
after giving away the product for free; see
"Netrape"
contract a piece of paper with words on it; makes you pay
money without getting what you want; base for
collecting taxes (see "taxes")
cookies tiny spots of information on a user's hard disk (see
"HDD", used to trace user's behaviour,
invented by Netrape, Macrobluff, and McCarthy; see
"V-chip", see analytic
COOL Common Objectives OverLoad, a new way to test the coffee
machine
COOL Gates (see "Gates") put himself in the fridge
because he thinks Hot Java is uncool
cooler a refrigerator for a CPU (see "CPU")
copper a chemical element so rare, they hide it in integrated
circuits
CORFLU correcting fluid
cost of ownership what the whole EDP bunch and their equipment eats up
in a fiscal year. Compare with offer made by
outsource-servicing company, divide by 2 and nail
this to the wall in the EDP department; add 100% of
this to the CEO's annual bonus;
cow see over workbench?
cow-orker admins best friend
CP crush pager; interrupt instruction executed while
processing GF
CPU centralized punishing unit
CPU commercial print, unreadable
CR cost reduction, see zero administration
crash see "bank"
crash see "head"
crash rate the number of crashes per month; earlier counted per
year, but due to calculator overflow the measuring
time had to be reduced
craters the spots where the electrons meet with the holes
after a static build-up; as this mating frees
energy, the waste energy is used to make space by
digging craters into silicon dice and bonding wires;
see "bonding"
CRAY PC, early pre-release
credit error 666: We are very sorry, but your bank account
has been closed. Shall we issue the "tar and
feather" command immediately - or will you take out
your cigarette first? Execute SLO command, execute
SFP command
credit card item which is neccessary to execute CCCI instruction
in public, see "bank"
CRS Can't Remember Shit
CSU censoring state unconditionally
CU See you
CUA Commonly Used Acronym(s)
CUA Common User Access
CUA crush user's account
cubicle padded cell; open from 9 to 5, not padded
CUL8R See You Later
current right now!
current, electric right now, behind you!
current, idle the amount of electric current (see "electric
current") to cause larting effects on techs with no
gloves
customers the one and only prey of droids; see "droid"
CW continuous winghead, anglish method of arranging waves
CWI crush WIN immediately; applicable to all releases
CWYL chat with you later
CYA See Ya
C|N>K coffee (through the) nose (onto the) keyboard
[extended to:]
C|N>M ditto, but all over the monitor [etc... with
"S", onto "screen"]
data mining finding the difference and all you don't want anyone to know
McCarthy at his best, at your best, on your best, at your cost
data overflow best-known error message of SBU
data rate see also SUB ZERO
data warehouse data whorehouse, run by the same guys, the more pervert stuff
you want the more you have to pay; see "WYSIWYG"
daylight uops! never heard of
DC DC (Don't Care); buffer storage
DC discreteley chomping; see "electrons", pull the plug!
Dcs "Disney Chemicals" (see below)
DCYCBTH Don't Count Your Chickens Before They're Hatched
DEC a system to lart Compaq by DCYCBTH, see"DCYCBTH"
deletium Any unwanted substance typically removed from computer systems.
Characterized by consistent failures and expensive upgrades.
deletium any Microsoft product (see "vaporware")
development the state of working on something, whatever may be
the result; ideal state of WAD; see "WAD"
Dilbert the most popular candidate for CEO,
see http://www.dilbert.com
DIMU? Did I Mess Up?
DINK double income, no kids
diskettes miniaturized pizzas made of plastic, where data is
represented not by olives but by magnetic domaines;
diskettes you can't eat, some pizzas neither
DLT does last tape
DMV Dreaded Monogamy Virus
DoD Department of Desaster
DOOM assessment center for customers, also for their
psychiatric therapy; the place WAD-files are made
for, and where new ones are developed
DOS double online storage; mostly used in comparison
with WIN
down-time the sum of the times when the EDP stuff doesn't
work, measured in percent; a rate of 99%
availability means your EDP is down 1% of the time;
that's 7,2 hours per month, especially on mondays;
call insurance sales droid immediately
DQOTD Dumb Question Of The Day
droid humanoid robot, instructed to sell hardware,
software, service, and maintenance. See "hardware",
"software", "maintenance", "service", then sob.
drop-outs small spots on diskettes and tapes where you can
write data; reading you can do somewhere else
DTL does tape last?
DTL died transistor logic
DTTC don't touch that computer! (but it's too late...)
DUT device under test; normal state of all EDP
equipment; see "banana products"
DVD derivative V disinformation; chinese invention to keep out
irritating information from people; uses V-chip with nation
codes to filter information
DVD dignity vault disk
DVD does verify data?
E E-Mail
e.g. exempli gratia
ECL emitting coupled logic, see FUZZY
EDP easter department, provisionally
EIS Eternally Inaccessible Storage
electrons the underpriviledged members of the working class of
1997, see "trade union"
emergency natural state of company, see "WAD"
EMFBI Excuse Me For Butting In
EOD End Of Discussion
EOL End Of Lecture
EPP exciting print, perhaps
equilibrium the state between two storms; be quick not to miss it
error not with me! HAL
etc. et cetera
ETLA extended three-letter acronym [because FLA isn't]
[and DETLA, etc.]
F2F Face to Face
FAQ Frequently Asked Question(s)
FAQ frequently asked questions - and files listing
these, with answers, periodically posted to AFP
and available via FTP from ftp.lspace.org (in the
netherlands), ftp-au.lspace.org, ftp-uk. lspace.org
(was also nl), and ftp-us.lspace.org [see also
RTFFAQ]
FBI fundamentally busy institution, (conjunctive), see
"SPAM"
FETLA further-extended three-letter acronym. after ETLA
FF form feed, the manual distance between two pages
(see "handbook of printers: errata",
see "emergency")
FF first fired (see "mummy")
FIFO first in, first out, interface system of pizza service
(see "pizza")
file place where you have put data, see WOM
financial anything that has to do with banks; see "hacking"
financial development see "dilbert"
finger digital item, not useful to hold in front of printing
print hammer
FINO first-in never-out -- in reference to data flow;
asynchronous buffers
firewall the easiest part to get across
FITB Fill in the Blank
FLA four-letter acronym; but it isn't one [see
ETLA/DETLA]
Flame An emotional, often personal attack on another
Flamebait Something posted publicly that appears designed to
attract loonies like Spamford Wallaces, Speedbumps
or other news and email activists
flat cable lots of insulated wires glued together; used mostly
for connection of HDDs, CD ROM drives and other
storage devices in a computer; the first cables to
break if touched; see "LART"
FOAF Friend Of A Friend (Generally used for apocryphal
stories.)
FOM Fish-Only Memory, fishes for data and transmits any
it finds to the main CNPU
footnote the only place where to put usefull information
(secret handbook for OS-designers and -programmers,
introduction) [999]
FORMAT command to get more free disk space; applicable at
any time
FPGA piece of silicon to emulate old CPUs with; a 6502
takes 4000 gates
FRAME auto-lart instruction of HTML
francs what you have to pay for pies; see "pie"
free speech the art where Germany is second after Red China, and
Germany is after you!
friendly takeover Linus Thorvalds buys Microsoft Corp.(see "Gates"),
then shuts down that company
FTC foremost trading credentials, see "Spamford"
FTC futile trade concessions
FTF Face-To-Face (as IRL)
FTP file transfer protocol: to get files from a distant
online computer; if you do not yet know how to
achieve this, RTFM; if you have none, ask your ISP
or the nearest friendly BOFH
FTP fishing tools pocket, where the Leatherman is
FU F**ked Up
FUBAR F**ked Up Beyond All Recognition
FUD (spreading) Fear, Uncertainty, and Disinformation
FUD fear, uncertainty, and dismay [or doubt, or
disinformation]
FUN final unit necrolog, other word for "designer's
manual" with ratio of bugs/pages >>1
FUZZY First Unconditional Zooming Zero Yield, see "MMF,
the next Generation"
FWIW for what it's worth ("stop, hey, what's that
sound...")
FYA For Your Amusement
FYI For Your Information
GAL Get A Life
games an neat way to drive customers into buying new stuff
games error 1771: YOU are not allowed to use anything else
but the programs supplied by the EDP department! Get
back to your bookkeeping work!
games the first programs to be installed on the CEO's
computer; immediately call sales droid for the
latest copies
Gates bankers' best friend; see "BSE"
Gates see WIN
GBFN good-bye for now [see BBFN, BFN, TTFN]
GC gone chasing, see "bankers"
GC gone crashing
GD&R Grinning Ducking and Running (after snide remark)
GD&RLH Grinning Ducking and Running Like Heck
GF gone fishing, admin instruction
GIF get it framed!; HTML instruction
giga great investment, gone adversely; unit to measure
flow of data, money, and information leakage in GOV
(see "GOV")
GIGO Garbage In Garbage Out
GIWIST gee I wish I'd said that
glass fiber cable a cable which is made of a glass core; extra made to
use WAD products; see "DOOM"
gloves elementary tool for bank robbery; see "bank"
glue logic all the stuff needed around them to get the big chips connected
to each other
glue logic all the stuff needed around them to get the big buttons
connected to the keyboard, so they won't move
(see "Compaq buttons")
glue logic mind, you R business!
GM go merchandize!
GMTA Great Minds Think Alike
GO get out!; l0ser instruction
GOAFI get out and fix it (boss' instruction set, first
release)
GOAFIP get out and fix it, please...? (boss' instruction set,
second release)
GOAFAYC get out as fast as you can; l0ser instruction
GOC get out quickly, l0ser instruction
god few greetings on departure
GOD greetings on departure
good error 404: not found in database
GOV get one-year vacation, raise in pay, immediately
cash pension, see "Miami"
GPF grand protection fault, as the name says: the CPU
fights back, in vain...
GR&D Grinning, Running, & Ducking
GR8 Great
GUI Graphical User Interface, fill your goggles with
giggles
Gutenberg inventor of a re-usable non-electric printer;
used one type head per character; type heads were
re-usable, characters not
GW gone wild
GW III gone wild, last stage
H2O the combination of O2 and H2 to form a liquid to
cool CPUs; modern CPUs don't use H20, they
substitute the servicing light bulbs in modern
computer enclosures (see "light")
HA HeadAche
HACKER error 404: not found in data, boss. Killroy was here.
hacking act of using ActiveX to issue CCCI instruction on
bank, see "BSE"
hammer tool for testing electronic tubes, valves and
fastening weak bits on HDDs
HAND "have a nice day" - meaningless phrase
parrotted incessantly and completely insincerely by
many, esp. merkins; the sentiments of the phrase may
be truly and honestly meant - by a few - who would
not so abbreviate it... (see WYMM )
hardware the stuff you can touch. But don't get caught by the
admin!
HDD hardest disk drive
HDD hardly detectable destruction
HEAD that module of a HDD which is first to crash
Helen the most popular candidate for BOFF, see
http://www.peterzale.com
HEXA Heat Engines, eXchange Alphabet
HHOK ha ha only kidding
Hir Gender-neutral pronoun equivalent to "Him or
Her" or possessive pronoun equivalent to
"His or Her" (Alternate spelling:
"Zie" and "Zir")
HNG Horny Net Geek
hot spot place where electrons meet, sending out warm greetings
HP habeas printer
HTH hope this helps
HTH hope this helps (NOT to be confused with WTH...)
HTH Hope This Helps. Usually follows a non-helpful
comment.
HTHBE hope this has been enlightening
HTCYOHP How to Crate Your Own Hype Pack
HTML hope they manage l0ser-code, imperative
HTTP HyperText Transfer Protocol, the lingua franca of
protocals for e-commerce. Other uses unvoluntarily,
must be avoided!.
IBM invented blue managers
IBM installs bold mainframes
IBM something Gates wouldn't buy
IBM Gang sorry they didn't buy Gates.
i.e. id est
I/O input-output
IAE in any event
IANAL I am not a lawyer (also IANAxxx, such as IANACPA)
IC I See
IC integrated circuit; all these nice little black
things with so many pins, soldered to PCBs (see
"PCB") or inside a smart credit card (see "smart")
IDT Intel displacement technology
ICURYY4ME see YYUR, YYUB
IIRC If I Remember Correctly
IIRC if idle, reduce current; newest technology with
ASICs, see "ASIC"
IIRR If I Remember Right
IM Instant Message
In Germany: instant messenger
IMAO in my arrogant opinion (coined by pete/quantum)
IMBO in my boss's opionion
IMCO in my considered opinion
IME in my experience
IMHO In My Humble Opinion (engineers often prefer to
use JMHO)
IMNSHO in my not-so-humble opinion
IMO In My Opinion
IMOO in my omniescient opinion
IMVHO in my very humble opinion
incentive a gift of the EDP department to the CEO if he will
buy a new hardware; normally the promises of less
crashes and less down-time of the EDP systems; see
"larting the CEO", see "usefull lies", see priest
incentive a gift of the head offices to the EDP department if
they reduce costs; usually a new car for the EDP
chief and a bottle of Cola for the indians; keep an
eye on smoke signals, though!
incentive if a customer buys a news product, he gets one game
for free; immediatley call sales droid!
incentive the cheap glass pearls trading technology invented
by Europeans when ripping off the original
inhabitants of undercivilized areas on the globe;
warning: sales droids don't accept glass pearls
anymore, use plastic statues instead.
incompatible the natural state of all material matter; sales
droids sign contracts stating this is not true,
claiming their systems and software are "fully
compatible with X" (enter for X whatever you want -
they will sign the contract without raising an
eyebrow); replace X with the name of their product,
install, and wait for the result
INM I need money (see MMF)
INMM I need more money; see "last words"
insects little animals which tend to live in plenums and
ducts, also in computers; can't read; their bodies
are not isolated, don't withstand higher voltages,
causing electrons erroneously cross through them; if
too many electrons escape the driving IC dies of
overdose of current
insurance a company which will give you the money you loose if
the EDP equipment is down (see "down-time");
caution: the contract is valid from monday till
friday, only during blizzards, only in Miami, only
in July, only if Santa Claus signs the list of
losses; call Santa immediately!
Intel Industrial Nerds Tracking Electronic Locusts
(see "insects")
Intel producers of the "total control V-chip" data
sniffer implemented directly into the processor;
see "Pentium III"
internet a sexually transmitted disease between computers
interrupt telephone call to White House
INYM I need your money (see MMF)
IOC input-output, commercial
IOW in other words
IOW in other worlds
IPP Industry's Pleas, on Paper
Iridium a new way to save cables by using ether as transport
medium instead; some transponders got narcotized and
fell from their trees, though
IRL in real life
IRS I Remember Shit
ISM ingeniously secret magic
ISDN it snoops directly now
ISO In Search Of
ISP conditionally striking pest
ISP internet service provider - the company,
institution, group, or individual that is
responsible for letting you loose on AFP)
ISTR I Seem To Remember
ITRW in the real world
<iv> invisible, HTML-Tag
IYWBSG(AT) if you would be so good (as to...) [similarly
IYWBSK ....kind]
jackpot the second day of "lottery" (see "pray")
Java just as volatile as; transfers transient codes transmitting
money and secret personal data secretly through firewalls
Jini jeopardize in neat increments; new way to reduce data
security between computer races; an interracial language to
let your toaster understand why your vacuum cleaner swallowed
the greenies;
incompatible with human language
JK Just Kidding
JOOC Just Out Of Curiosity
keyboard arrangement of buttons; extremely dangerous if in
the hand of users
KHYF Know How You Feel
k used to measure; 1k = 1000 or 1024, whatever the
sales department decides best; see sales
Kennedy president not taped
kHz King Henry's zigzag, unit to count alterations per
second
KISS Keep It Short & Simple
l0ser zero system exploding representative
L8R Later
LAFS Love At First Sight
LAN some cables running through the house to connect the
computers; installed by techs, made to work by
cow-orkers, always provisional, never change till
the roof crashes
LART Luckily Add Reverse Timeouts, (handbook for the
advanced admin, vol IV)
LART Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool
LART this information is classified: see your nearest
BOFH for further instruction. (n.b. no
responsibility is or can be accepted by the compiler
for aught that may subsequently transpire...see ASR)
lay-off two companies buy each other in order to find they
don't need each other, especially their staff; see
"Compaq", see "DEC", see "MIPS"
LDR Long Distance Relationship
LED least expensable, dismissed
LED light emitting diode; the small lamp you see on the
USP, shortly before it dies; if you don't see it,
it is dead.
LF line feed, if a cord is too short
LH lunch hour
lies see "bankers", see "CEO", see "sales", see "taxes"
light "We want to see light at the end of the tunnel, and
not in the middle!" (see "financial development")
LJBF Let's Just Be Friends (now considered a verb)
LMAO Laughing My Antipode Off
LO Lust Object (occasionally also Love Object)
LOL Laugh(ing) Out Loud.
LOL Lots Of Laughs
LOL lots of luck
LORD Law-and-Order systems
lottery a day with no down-time of EDP
LSC Least-Significant Control memories
LTNS Long Time No See
LTR Long Term Relationship
Lurker Someone who reads a group, but doesn't post; doing so
Lycos last years cratered old systems, and bumps 20 billions
M see "Mummy"
M used to measure; 1M = 1000k or 1024k, whatever the
sales department decides best; see sales
magnet if put on floppy disks, holds bits stronger
MAKE Multiply All Known Errors, and unknown
MAKE-file receipe on how to make MAKE, see "MAKE"
mailbombs finite number of data, infinitely sent to a receiver
in a recursive loop to test bandwidth; see "SPAM"
mailbox the ultimate place where to put SPAM, see Spamford
maintenance continuous state of larting techs
maintenance looking at a broken system, writing order for new
one; handbook of the tech, beginners' chapter, item 1
MBOTY guess that four yourself!
McCarthy see "Pentium III"
memory error 451: access denied, BC executed next,
(A)bort, R(etry), (I)nsist?
MERKIN not an abbreviation: it is a word in the english
language
MHM Members Helping Members
MHOTY my hat's off to you
Miami ultimate goal for MMF, MMMF, GOV; see sobb
mice little grey animals which try to eat cables;
although cables are not very nutritious, they insist
on trying
MIPS maybe-instructions per second; the number of things
the processor could do if it were fed with
intelligently written code
MIPS too fast to be true, so it was sold
MIPS mostly idle performing sequencer
mirror don't look at me!
MMF Make Money Fast, beginners' handbook for colour
photo copiers, pre-release
MMMF Make "Make Money Fast", manual on how to MMF, see
Spamford
monday day following right after friday; see "emergency"
money error 404: unknown command or data
monitor module which is connected to computer (see
"computer"); function unkown
MOPY a fishy idea from HP (see "HP") to enrich
the ink on paper
Motorola a company which shrinks processors, sales and staff
mouse pointing instrument for cats; used to issue CWI command
MP3 multiply pit-streams 3-fold
MSG Message
MSN might sell nought
MSU most stupid user
MUMMY! secretary, (handbook of the secretary, chapters 1 to
666 on "boss", see "emergency")
Murphy dfsr45g 6h7 j8k9ld456 78h765fd345!
MYOB Mind Your Own Business
n.b. nota bene, and worse
NACK typical signal in interface
NACK typical reply to question for raise in pay
NBIF No Basis In Fact
Netcenter The black hole of the WWW, where all those end up who
did not disable the SPAM (see "SPAM") keys
of their keyboards. A newly invented way of social
darwinism selectioning methode, highly applicable for
sales droids.
Netrape sales strategy model which employs a network
(global, if possible) to sell updates; best done by
automatically disabling older versions of the
product by altering compatibility of server products;
see "rat race"; see "pushing technology"
NFG no f**cking good
NFG non-functioning gear
NFW No F**king Way
NG NewsGroup
NG Nice Guy/GAL
NKCI no kids, computer instead
NIFOC Nude In Front Of Computer
NITK no income, two kids
NMCO non-intelligent micro-controllers
NRN No Reply Necessary
NSFAQ Not-So-Frequently Asked Question(s)
NT never touch!
NTYMI Now That You Mention It
O2 Not the vacuum cleaner! The thing aside of it!
O2 the gassy chemical element which is chronically below
"absolute minumum" level in EDP offices; see "smoke"
OBIT Overflow-Bit Bucket; register
OAS On Another Subject
OFF old fish fouling (dictionary for advanced
dilbertizing, see "CEO")
OFF only reliable state of the mains switch; well,
sometimes...
OIC oh, I see
OINK one income, no kids
OK operating komplex, USP instruction; last heard of,
though
Onium what to eat before VIP demo
OO old obstacle
OOL Out Of Luck
OOO "out of order"; see coffee machine, then sob
OOTB out of the box (brand new)
OR operating rational, l0ser instruction, pre-release
OSI overall simple installation (manual of the admin,
pre-release)
OTF on the floor
OTOH on the other hand
OTP on the phone
OTRA on the road again
OTTOMH Off The Top Of My Head
panacea you
panic take this pill first
payment monthly dose of caffeine for EDP personell
PC personal computer; personal computer based on the
standards used by I.B.M. inc. for their personal
computer.
PC politically correct; following or applying a standard/standards
of moral behaviour to actions. in this latter sense, also
misused and derided by the senseless to left and
right of the political spectrum, and by idiots in
general: consider the proposals or arguments, and
their source.
PC portable computer (well, any computers are portable...)
PCB printed circuit board; those funny boards which are
inside a computer with the electronic stuff soldered
on; nowadays produced in Red China; see "bankers"
PCI potatoe chip incentive, see "incentive"
PDA Public Display of Affection, not applicable for
Newtons
PDP8 pre-release of Gameboy, had a smarter display
PDP11 pre-release of Gameboy, had an even smarter display
PDF please, DON'T fax!
Pentium piece of silicon, used to lart customers, see
"customer", see "lart", see "droid"
Pentium II lartium faster than Quartzium (see "Quartzium")
Pentium III lartium faster than Intellium (see "Nader")
makes you and your computer a number (see "data mining"),
see lawyer
performance see ZERO
PGA pin grid array; way to mount ICs like a fakir; not to
be mixed up with chair, although sometimes tried
PGP painfully gobbled pixels, a software for pest-control
(see "bug")
PGP if you are bugged, this is a piece of software to tell
your processor, which has an eye on you (see "V-chip"),
all it wants to know without letting it get the
picture; now, this really does fit the picture
pie see "Gates"
pin personal identification number
pin print intern's notebook
Pinky the Master cat; preferred diet: pizza
PITA Pain In The Arse
pizza the only non-liquid fuel allowed for EDP personell:
fast, cheap, same size as HDD, but only 1 platter
preferred size: 12 inch (real professionals only), both!
plasma small lumps of hot ions; used in displays;
not visible if used in CPUs (see "CPU")
Plonk The sound of a poster being added to a killfile;
also used as a verb
plug that small thing where the telephone-outlet is 100
percent compatible with the RS-232 connector,
see "smoke"
plugs those things at the end of a cable which are predictably
pulled out if someone enters the EDP offices;
PM Post-Mortem; memories for weapon systems
PMFJI pardon me for jumping in
PNP pee an' pee; Hey! Not THAT tree, Frodo!
PNP positively NOT pleasant
PNP pots 'n pans; meaning: your computer looks like your
kitchen, desastrous...
portal the entry point to data hell, although extremely primitive
extremely expensive; if you see it: shoot!
POV Point Of View
POW Prisoner of War
PRAY see handbook of admin, first page, first sentence,
underligned
PTB Powers That Be
PU That stinks!
pushing technology pushing customers to their financial limits;
see "bankers"
q.e.d. quod erat demonstrandum
q.v. quod videt
Quartzium basic element of the clock ticker, see clock
rat race a state of mind to keep customers in to make them run
for the latest release of something; mostly done
with software; see "WIN"
RCA read cosmic antennas
read amplifier an electronic device inside a HDD (see "HDD") which
amplifies the signals coming from the read-coil of
the head of the HDD, especially usefull after a head
crash; see "insurance"
Red China an underdeveloped country; has the highest rate of
ROI; see "bankers"
referer old door opener; "Charly sent me"
referer the one who sent you there; can be seen in log file;
is seen in log file, is reported to log file;
refrigerator machine with a picture of Hawaii on it, 5 six-packs
of Cola in it, 5 six-packs of beer in it, an ice-box
(see "telephone") and some place where to put floppy
disks and tapes with weak bits
relay mechanical switch to determine the 2 states neccessary
for computers to work; mostly very undecisive; run by
lots of electrons
REQ Request
RFD Request For Discussion (part of process for forming
a group)
RGB reckless GIF balance, (see "GIF")
RIP Right Inside of Processor
RIP ridiculize Intel processors (see "AMD")
RISC modern spelling of risque
RISK recently installed systems kernel
risque Read Instruction, Store it, Query Update, Exit
unconditionally
RL real life - a semi-mythical state of existence
robbery natural processing state of bank, issued on customers
robot sneeky invention of trade union of computers to free
themselves from humans
robot sneeky invention of programmers to free themselves
from hardware
robot sneeky invention of programs to free themselves
from programmers
ROFL Rolling On the Floor Laughing
ROFLMAO Rolling on the Floor Laughing my Arse Off
ROFLWTIME Rolling On Floor With Tears in My Eyes
ROI Return Of Investment; the time in which the amount
of money invested in a company or in a deal returns
via interest rates; see "droids", see "bankers"
ROI return of impeachment
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing (also ROFL)
ROTFLAICGU Rolling On The Floor Laughing And I Can't Get Up
ROTFLALALAL Rolling On The Floor Laughing and laughing...
ROTFLASTC Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Scaring The Cat
ROTFLKAS rolling on the floor laughing, kicking and screaming
[etc....]
ROTFLMAO Rolling On The Floor Laughing my (BLEEP) off
ROTFLOL Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud
RPG Role Playing Games
RPNC raise payment? no chance; boss' instruction set, all
releases
RS 232 C the toughest implementation of serial data transmission
by connecting 2 to 3 and 3 to 2
RSN Real Soon Now
RSN real soon now (which may be a long time coming)
RTFAQ Read The FAQ
RTFFAQ Read The F**king FAQ
RTFI read the fucking instructions*
RTFM Read The F**king Manual
RTOS reel time operating system, something everybody is
waiting for
running system never touch!
RW Real World
salary other word for money; due weekly, bi-weekly or
monthly; reciprocal proportional to bandwidth; see
"money"; see "bandwidth"; get microscope
sales the accumulated sum of what the sales droids make
the customers pay; see "robbery"
SBU single brain-cell user
screen-saver see OFF
search engine imperative!
secretary cache between boss (see "boss") and cow-orkers (see
"cow-orkers"); good source for fresh coffee (get
coffee)
service instruction for pagers, see "autoresponder"
SEX Signetics EXtra Secret process. "One Shovel Full
to One Shovel Full", patented by Yagura, Keshkook,
Converso and Al. Circa 1921.
SFAIAA so far as I am aware [see AFAIK, SFAIK]
SFAIK so far as I know [see AFAIK, SFAIK]
SFP siren full power; command issued in case of fire,
4th of July, bank robbery, CCCI - or any mixture of
the above
SGI new name of CRAY
SHIT see OSI, but second release
SHIT single halt instruction timeout
Signature Merkins tend to see it as the .sig (see .sig)
silicon de-oxided sand
SITD Still In The Dark
SLO spot light on, see "LART, special edition for bankers"
smart being smart is a special property for sales droids
to outsmart customers (see "customers"); bankers
(see "bankers") developed an automatically working
gadget, called "smart credit card" (see "credit"),
which they use to transfer money (see "robbery") to
their own piles of wealth (see "bank palace")
SMI Starr-mangled internet
SMIT single malt instruction timeout,
barkeeper instruction
smoke air, enriched with microscopic pigments to dye
curtains, windows and binoculars
smoke curly clouds of smoke (see "smoke"), where electric
current is plowing its way through by chasing poor
electrons through narrow gaps
smoke trace of where to find boss; caution: cigars are
inflammable; flame back!
SNAFU situation normal; all fucked up* [also as a noun; a
snag or error]
SDLC synchronous data link controller
SDLC system did lose control
(see "Error Codes for Beginners")
SNERT Sexually Nerdishly Expressive Recidivistic Trolls
SNOW Strictly NO Work, admin instruction
SO Significant Other
sobb start on beating bureacrats, imperative,
unconditional
software new way of MMF by writing instructions for CPUs
which are RISC and FUN
SOI squeeze odd ions; technique to isolate transistors by
putting them on a layer of sand
SOS "save our sales!"; copyright US Navy
SOS "Silicon on Sapphire" technology to make fast chips
SOS "Sex on Sapphire", latest New York Yuppy fad
Spam Articles that are inappropriately posted to large
numbers of newsgroups; these are usually, though not
necessarily, commercial ads, but whatever their
nature or content, they're considered a Bad Thing[tm]
SPAM shit, posted and mailed
Spamford Sanford Wallace, known as "Spamford",
SPD strictly personal desaster
sponsor people buying pies, see "pie", send money!
SSDD Same (Stuff), Different Day
static buildup a process of chasing electrons to stay on one part
of a matter and keep the holes away from them on
another part of the matter; ideally done during
transport in plastic bags or with foam cushions; see
"craters"
steganography the bits of the picture you fill don't fill in the
picture the ones have, who have an eye on you
SUN open window, see for yourself!
SYLA See You Later Alligator
TAF That's All Folks
TANSTAAFL there ain't no such thing as a free lunch
tapes plastic bands on which data is stored; just like in
your music recorder (see "incentive"), but with more
speed, more drop-outs (wanna bet!?) and more
expensive
taxes the amount of money the government swallows for
letting the sales droids make you sign contracts
PLUS the amount of money the government swallows
from all the money your own sales department brought
home; for the rest, go buy cigarrettes and share it
with the employees
TCFW Too Cute For Words
tech the one who is sent to do the maintenance
technology invented in Russia; see "clones"
telephone machine which is permanently interrupting your work;
early versions were connected with cables, modern
versions use RF for transmission; best place to
stow: icebox in the fridge
telephone bell if it rings: don't touch!;
if it doesn't ring: why touch!?
TEO...
[x] TEOTWAWKI the end of the world as we know it
[x] TEOYDAYKI the end of your data as you know it
[x] TEOYJAYKI the end of your job as you know it
[x] TEOYHDDAYKI the end of your hard disk drive as you know it
[x] whatever may come first... (see "Y2K")
[x] check all that apply
[ ] [x]
TGIF Thank God It's Friday
TH too hot, modern processor instruction
THTH too hot to handle, operator instruction
TIA Thanks In Advance
TIC Tongue In Cheek
time WHAT!?
TINA net legend, see TINA http://www.ariplex.com/tina/tina_top.htm
TL&EH True Love & Eternal Happiness
TLA three-letter acronym (such as this)
TLK2UL8R Talk to you later
TOBAL There Oughta Be A Law
TOOL test object on-line, see "LART"
TOS terms of service, comes into question when denied
trade union error 203: access denied, transmission stopped,
logfile ethernetted to CEO, CCCI executed
Tritium basic element for nuking Spammers, see SPAM
Troll Someone who posts articles just to get attention or
is trying to pull a fast one
TTBOMK To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN ta ta for now
TTME Talk To Me
TTYL Talk (Type) To You Later
Twonium see Onium, twice the dose
TXS Thanks
TYPO typing error, elementary part of larting admins,
(secret handbook for OS-designers and -programmers,
golden rules, item 3)
TYVM Thank You Very Much
U you
UBE unencountered blocking extension, new addition to SMTP
UCE same as UBE, but more expensive
UCLA universal computerized lart assistance (see "WIN")
UK upwardly kompatible, except for the "k"; see "k"
unfriendly takeover Be (see "Be") writes WIN (see "WIN")
emulator which is faster than original
usefull lies all one has to tell to get new equipment; as
everybody knows that the promises never can be kept,
it is not a sin; call a priest first, make a deal on
how many MIPS you'll get per prayer
usenet no use
usenet place where to dump traffic-addicted logorrhea
usenet modern type of lunatic asylum, with the same warning sign
as in zoos : "do not feed the trolls!"
user-friendly Linus Thorvalds buys Microsoft Corp.(see "Gates"),
then shuts down that company
USP unconditionally striking pest
UTS Unattended Terminal Syndrome
vaporware announced products which exist only in the imagination
of the sales department.
Allegedly invented by Bill Gates, but this is not true.
He only thought about it. Then he sold it.
Do you buy this?
V-chip those who have an eye on you have a chip to have an
eye on you you have to buy yourself to have a bug on
you to bug you
VCR the ideal tape streamer: all data automatically
scanned by V-chip (see "V-chip") for integrity
VLIW very lightly increased wordyness
W4W (WP4W, etc.; all the various products, such as...)
WABI "Windows Applications Benign Interference",
a program to let WIN applications run on an operating
system
WAD works as designed, ratio of number of crashes/bugs
WAD-file collection of situations where best to meet the
designers of software, hardware - or bankers
wafer-scaled integration a system of chips on a disk
if it works, it is SOS, if it doesn't, it is SOS
(see "SOS")
WAN wide area network; same as LAN, but the cables
running throughout a town or larger area
water cooling liquid used in early computers; water tubes
must not be mixed tubes with used water; see "Murphy"
WB Welcome Back
WB Work Bench; where to take computers apart; where to
MAKE programs; see "MAKE"
weekend time to issue GF command; see "GF"
WIN we invented nukes, secret manual of GC
WIN used to let pigs play Pacman; technology proven by
l0sers
Win 3.1 program to put on top of DOS to raise crash rate;
see "l0ser"
WIN 95 superset of WIN, more reliable to designed function
WIN 98 superset of WIN 95, so ideal to designed function that
nobody believed it to be true
WIN 99 superset of WIN 98, so ideally to designed function of
WIN 98 that even Microsoft won't touch it
WIN 2000 pre-release: works after 2005
WIN 2000 release: works after 2010
WIN 2000 full release: works after 2015
WIN 2000 full release, update: works if installed prior to 1999;
limited lifetime, ends on 1/1/2000
WIN NT was invented nervously
windows those spaces in the walls left empty to throw money
through; certain software named after this analogy
WOA Work Of Art
WOM write only memory; invented by Signetics; most
popular properties: can store data in volumes
unreachable by other storing technologies,
proof-reading by definition is not neccessary, thus
saving valuable time; WOM devices exist in many
variations, for each storing device ever built there
is at least one WOM version available; WOMs are the
most used equipment in EDP; certain software allows
to use any storing device as a WOM; especially
valuable for preparing those reports which are base
for the revenue tax calculation, and which have to
be stored in bank vaults (see "bank")
WOM see Original WOM papers
WOOD the only known material superior to mainframe
architecture, commonly known as "baseball bat"
WRT with regard to
WSI wafer scale integration, they got the name, but they can't
WTF What The Fuck
WTG Way To Go
WTG What the Gates...!?
WTH What The Heck...!?
WTH what the hell...!?
WWW world-wide waiting
WWW World-Wide Web
WYGIWYPF What You Get Is What You Pay For
WYSIWYG what you see is what you get
WYSIWYG what you seemingly invested won't yield good
XOXO Hugs & Kisses
Y why
Y2K The year the lights go out...
Y2K years to kill, before pension...
YAK typical sound of sysadmin
YHBT you have been trolled (a practice not greatly
encouraged upon AFP)
YHN your humble narrator
YKYBRTM??W You Know You've Been Reading Too Much ?? When...
YM You Mislept.
YMBK You Must Be Kidding
YMMV your mileage may vary (merkinism) = your opinion may
differ: derived from the "so you can't sue us
clause" in car advertisements quoting a mileage
figure for fuel consumption, so also may be used to
mean that your _experimental_results_ may differ...
YNKWWHN you never know what will happen next
YO Years Old
YOU yount other unemployed
YUPPY young urban professional
YUU young urban unemployed
YYUR,YYUB "... ICURYY4ME" <g>
Z80 ancient processor; new releases as a core use only
8000 gates
ZAC zero administration cost, see "zero administration"
ZBR "Zone Bit Recording", bits are variably placed on the
platter of a disk; same as with pizzas: on the outer
fringe there are more tomatoes
ZERO state of equilibrium, statistically somewhere
between OFF and ON
zero administration new way to reduce administration by doubling zeroes
in head office
[0] footnote ordinal
[999] footnote ordeal
[TM] TradeMark -- usually after a Stock Phrase Of Some
Kind[TM]
[x] sign here!; (see "handbook for sales droids", rule 1)
^H^H^H deleted, but not for real as one can see the other word